The Fairy Tale Stage This stage includes girls who usually find boys ideal because of mere looks. This is comparable with the admiration we feel when we're fangirling. That shallow. It's just that, the fairy tale stage fools girls that they are already in love. This is brought by a couple of reasons: First, there is no point of comparison except fairy tales where girl meets boy, boy is charming, in an instant they got married, then lived happily ever after. Girls need to understand the real game. That is why the concept of not marrying a guy you just met in the critically-acclaimed animated film Frozen marks a good start for little girls adopting reality about relationships. Second, the concept of a good partner is not yet introduced to girls aside from the usual things they observe from the men they know. This is why a good father figure is very much needed in a family; much more needed by daughters because they become the standards of who is worth considering. The lower the standards fathers project, the lamer the guys, their daughter dates. Their dates may reflect similarities of the father's personality or the lack thereof. Third, girls are too young to see the big picture that whatever they feel should end in a commitment and not just a relationship. Most likely, they are yet to understand what commitment is. Not surprising because even adults find it difficult understanding such concept. Sadly, there are girls who remain in this stage simply because they do not observe what happens around them. They fail to see that there is more in a man than charms.
The Need-to-Belong Stage When girls started to focus on socializing, their need to find a particular environment where they belong becomes a necessity. It becomes so important for them to know that they are not very much different from the rest. It gives them the assurance that they are normal and that they meet a particular societal standard of who they have to be. Here come stereotypes. Girls begin to see stereotyping as basis of 'shoulds.' Later, they would see that they 'should' be in a relationship, without understanding why. This is when they start to doubt if they are normal when they remain single while others start early in relationships. Then they begin to doubt if they are attractive. Thus, producing a lot of insecurities. In order to solve these insecurities, some resort to doing what everybody else does. There came peer pressure. So they get a boyfriend because of stereotypes, insecurities and peer pressure. Good? Nah.
The Independent-Dependent Stage When girls finally gathered enough confidence to go on their own, they start filling their world with concepts of independence from a lot of things, even from their parents who can actually guide them through in the critical stage of knowing more about oneself. Not having anyone else but yourself then becomes a struggle through loneliness that girls begin searching for someone who can fill the space that they created in the first place. So you got a boyfriend, this time, for you not to be lonely. Wrong move. Why? When you engage in a relationship to solve loneliness, gradually, you would start to cling and make your partner the centerpiece of your life. You need to be happy with the independence that singlehood provides even before you understand the real happiness that a commitment brings.
The Adventurous/Rebellious Stage This stage focuses on the curiosity that girls try to satisfy. They become so curious on a lot of things that they 'experiment' even in relationship. It was like testing water in different barrels. So you got a boyfriend because you want to know how it feels like having one? Or how it is being a particular guy's girl? And another guy's girl? And another? And another? Or being the third wheel? Or without strings attached? The questions eventually lead to the things that girls are taught not to try. And some followed while others tried. Sometimes, not only because of curiosity, but to deliberately piss their parents who said "don't." This stage brings poor choices of partners because the goal is to satisfy the negative emotions that dominate a person. Also, when relationships are built on curiosity, it eventually ends when all things are already discovered. The
Learn-about-Yourself Stage It is either through previous mistakes or observation of others that helps us learn more about ourselves. Most of the time, girls fail to grow up in relationships because they look into the mirror too often and they look into themselves less. Learning who you are is a task that needs a lot of time and effort. Why? Because everyone grows using a patchwork personality, our initial self, built on the patches of other people's personality woven together, then we own in the process. People who don't exert effort in reflecting and letting go of their patchwork self will never find who they really are. Personally, it took me until early twenties before I finally let go of that. Until now, I'm still trying to find the pieces of the real me that are missing. Girls who get acquainted with themselves, even not fully, would start a relationship right. Why? Because they already have an idea on what they want and what they are willing to keep. Not based on others' preferences, but theirs.
The Broken Stage And so the baptism of fire. No observation nor studies would prepare you for the pain of being broken. You may read a lot about them, but nothing can possibly help you out of it except yourself. You just need to understand and accept that this stage happens and this too shall pass. It isn't easy. You might get depressed in the process. You might think of giving up on love. You might hate and wrinkle yourself all your life. You might generalize that men are all alike. You might consider being a man, since you find yourself a better lover than any that you knew. You might choose the safe zone and never risk again. You might decide on a lot of possibilities, but what matters is how you would pick your pieces and heal. So you got somebody to help you heal? Bad move. There isn't anyone who can help you heal but yourself. Key is acceptance. If you find the solution from somebody else, you would end up going back to the dependent stage. The relationship that you 'used' as solution will eventually perish because of the emotional baggage that you bring with you. Learn to let go so that you can give way for better things to hold onto.
The Need-to-Marry-Bear-Children Stage Women who rush things because of a lot of justifiable and practical reasons end up picking the wrong choices. We don't marry just to bear children. We are not animals that need to breed offsprings. We are people. We feel. We seek happiness. So we shouldn't rush. Take your time. Embrace it. Enjoy whatever life offers. Readiness will come when you least expect it. When it does meet you, fulfillment would follow.
The Stage to Finally Marry When girls finally learned that
- love stories do not end in happily-ever-after, but in fact, starts;
- you need to let go of the stage of trying to belong because we are supposed to be unique and great in our own right;
- a relationship is not a solution to any problem, nor a way to fix yourself;
- you need to find yourself before finding somebody you can be happy with;
- pain comes with love; they're inseparable, so if you can't risk yourself on both, don't dare;
- weddings mark the start, not only of a relationship, but a commitment;
- happiness was never a race, so take your time and enjoy; let yourself grow;
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